zero

I used to cry
As far as I can remember
I can still hear me crying
I didn't want anyone to know

The smile always did
And still does mask my face
But now it's tainted
With apprehension and an unknown fear

My soul keeps crying
Even after I am asleep
When my mind is not awake
When people around me aren't awake
No one can see me crying
Not even me!

The sopor that's not deep
That shows me the shades
I can't see during the day
The colors painted around me
With hues of crimson and red

The daylight unfolds a picture
That's not real, that's just an illusion
The world that enjoys being fake
Fake smiles and fake expectations

All day long I wait
To get into this slumber
Which let's me cave in
Into the illuminated darkness

Where I don't feel the turmoil
Where there are no flutters
No delusions, no hurt
Just me and my agitated soul

For now I can just see
My footsteps going in
Will I be able to see the light again
The bright sun glinting on the horizon

There ought to be a God
Who will give me the strength
To pave a path that goes out
Into the wilderness of chaos
Where there's no order
Where chaos is the order of the day

And I am one amongst them all
Adding to it,
Seeing only what I should
The brighter sides of everything
Burying deep... the darker secrets!

im just nothing